I started a tumblr. It’s one post in so far. I just think that for the time being, microblogging is a better format for me. You can check it out (and follow me) at amandamaea.tumblr.com

I think I’m taking a break from the blog for a while. Maybe even a permanent break. I even thought about taking it down all together, but, I still get hits and comments on archives, so I think maybe someone somewhere out there is garnering something from my random ramblings.

I really just don’t like the obligation of feeling like I have to post a couple times a week. It’s not like there are a ton of people reading this and keeping up with my life. And really, this hasn’t been a vehicle for friends to keep up with my life for quite some time.

I also really want to start an art journal blog, with my sketches, drawings, collages, and maybe a few photos here and there. Art hasn’t eclipsed my passion for writing, but it just feels more immediate right now. And I don’t want three blogs that I feel like I need to update constantly.

So, you should subscribe to me in your g-reader, so you don’t have to check this place regularly, and if you’re hungry for minutiae about my life, then you should follow me (or request to follow me, rather) on Twitter. I’m @amandamaea, and I accept pretty much every follower request. I just keep it private so serial killers and bosses aren’t making a habit of keeping track of me.

Anyway, see you soon. Or, perhaps much, much later. I’ll keep you apprised if and when I start an online art journal.

Actually, I haven’t gotten super bored yet, because I have the internet to keep me company. However, I am kind of S-L-E-E-P-Y. Shhh. Don’t say the S-word. I don’t want to give my subconscious any ideas.

1. It’s 2AM and you are not home. You are more than likely:

At work. Because I was asked to work the night shift JUST THIS ONCE, PRETTY PLEASE?!?!?! Or, maybs I’m at QT because I locked my keys in my car AGAIN, and I’m trying to break into it with a hammer and a coat hanger.

2. What’s the last thing you spent more than $100 on?

I don’t even know the last time I spent $100. I’m way poor these days. Like, probably when I bought half my iphone. That was December.

3. What do your bank checks look like?

They’re green, I think.

4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from?

The top one is from Beall’s and the bottom one is from the clearance rack at Target. Total cost: $8.

5. Name something that will be on your Christmas wish list:

I’d really like a few various camera-oriented things.  And I’d like one of those DSLR/Point and Shoot Hybrid cameras for non-professional-but-I-still-want-quality-pictures type of stuff. That’s pretty much all I can think of, but I’m in a very photo-heavy season of life right now.

6. What color is your toothbrush?

Seriously, I cannot even remember. I blame the lack of sleep.

7. Name something you collect and tell us about it.

Rocks. I have them from all over North America. Also, T-shirts and waffle weaves. I have them from all over the world.

8. Last restaurant you ate at. Who were you with? How was it?

I got take out chicken nachos from the Pueb for lunch and ate them in the park. The last restaurant I actually ate inside of was Wendy’s, when I had a marathon intense, life story/bonding/conspiracy/spill session with Christina.

9. Who was the last person you bought a birthday card for?

My dad’s birthday was most recent, but I don’t remember if I got him a card or not. Honestly, I don’t like birthday cards. I’d rather just get a gift. I prefer cards made for random reasons. (i.e. I miss you/You rock my socks/Thanks for being awesome/etc.)

10. What is your worst bad habit?

Impulse spending. I hate that I do it, but I can never seem to stick to a real budget. My best solution so far is to just stay far, far away from Target and Bookstores everywhere.

11. Name a magazine you subscribe to?

Wired.

12. Your favorite pizza toppings?

I don’t really like pizza anymore, after I spent a good three days throwing it up. But, if pressed, I will eat some BBQ chicken pizza or white pizza.

13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?

I looked up a Taxi Service for a customer a couple of weeks ago.

14. Other than family, who is the person that you love most?

Several close friends. I can’t choose just one.

15. What is the last thing you cooked?

Angel Hair Pasta with Chicken and Mushroom cream sauce, and Asparagus with Garlic, Grape Tomatoes, and Lemon.

16. Name something you wouldn’t want to buy used?

Underwear.

17. Which shoe do you put on first?

Either. I don’t have a preference.

18. What is the last thing you remember losing?

My camera charger. And my mind.

19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?

Bunk Beds.

20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?

I returned jeans for my mom at Christmas. I don’t remember the last time I returned something for myself.

21. What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why?

Perry Ellis Reserve (It’s on sale here if you want to pick some up for me.) Or SJP Lovely. I used to wear B&BW P.S. I Love You Perfume, too, but I think, like all things B&BW, I am allergic to it.

22. Your favorite board game?

Apples to Apples.

23. What was the last board game you played?

Either Apples to Apples or Life.

24. Where did your vehicle come from?

My dad got it from some lady. I don’t really know beyond that.

25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be?

There are many, but recent ones would include “Demons,” by Guster and “Galileo,” by Indigo Girls. Also, “Send Me on My Way,” by Rusted Root is sort of perennial.

26. You’re sad, who can cheer you up easily?

Anyone who can distract me or make me laugh.

27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?

Blue and Pretty Floral, Alternating.

28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most?

Vacuuming. It makes me crazy.

29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?

Wings.

30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is?

Not cake at all, but Tiramisu.

“If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.”
- Sir Francis Bacon

I have a lot of random knowledge about a lot of random things. I remember when I was in elementary school, we learned about encyclopedias, and that there are two types. The first type has only a few (or only one) subject, but has a lot of information about that (or those) particular subject(s). The second type has a little bit of knowledge about a broad area of subjects.

I think that in the back of my head, the idea of the second encyclopedia has stuck with me. I don’t aim to be encyclopedic by any means, but I would like to be able to contribute to conversations on a wide array of subjects. If someone is talking about politics, or art, or music, or pop culture, or gardening, or religion, or baseball, I would like to be able to carry on (or at least follow) a conversation with them.

My intentions have never been, specifically to learn a bunch about every subject ever, but I tend to absorb pretty much everything I read or watch or hear. This is why I contest that TV has made me smarter. From Sesame Street to Zoom to Food Network and the Discovery Channel, I have always favored television that is both entertaining and informative.

Further, I ask a lot of questions. In fact, more than one person has told me that I ask too many questions, including a couple of my former professors from Reinhardt. (I was like, “Seriously, I’m paying you to TEACH me, for crying out loud.”) I ask questions because there are a ton of things that I don’t know anything about, and I am eager to learn about them. In the past 24 hours I have grilled two different friends about two different subjects. I think it’s possible that some people find my intense curiosity toward just about everything annoying (particularly my aforementioned professors). I, however, hope that curiosity is not something that I lose or forgo as I get older.

I remember when I was a small child, and everything was a new discovery for me. I remember discovering that the red clay in my backyard made very different mudpies than looser dirt, that the step-stool in the bathroom became a tiny chair, that the lines on the rear window of my dad’s Hyundai warmed and defrosted the window, that my warm breath made fog on cold glass.

As I get older, and people ask me questions about things, I think I have begun to lose some of the wonder I once had about my environment, and about the world. I think that perhaps to some degree answering questions makes you jaded as you get used to knowing the answers to things. I think that typical educational environments, wherein you are fed and regurgitate specific information over and over tend to stifle natural curiosity and a sense of discovery. But, I hope and pray that I never lose my curious, questioning spirit, even as I age, and even as I go back to a traditional learning environment. I don’t want to lose the beautiful sense of discovery that God has given me, and I look forward to continuing to delight in beautiful, simple things I may learn each day.

I hesitate to write about this sort of thing on my blog. For one, because I hate the idea of feeling like someone who complains or can’t figure their life out and feels the need to publicize that. For two, because I hesitate to talk about things that feel personal and immediate and real and big.

I feel like I’m at sort of a crossroads. Okay, actually, that’s probably an overstatement of the situation. I feel like I have to make sort of a big decision. And it feels big and menacing in this moment, but I’m pretty sure it’s one of those things that won’t feel as big and menacing in ten years. I guess you could say I’m having trouble getting some perspective.

So, here’s the deal. I really need to go back to school. Let me emphasize that by saying that again. I really need to go back to school. I need to get a degree and all that. But, more than that, I need to feel like I am learning, and engaged. I need to be working toward something, and having a positive direction, even if I don’t know exactly what the end result of that direction is. Also, I’d like to have health insurance again, which will be achieved by my going back to school full time.

I had kind of a lightbulb sort of moment the other day, and I realized that I can’t be a nanny forever. My job is pretty good, but it’s not what I want to do forever. I want to use my skills in photography, and as a writer. And I want to do something that is creative and awesome. While I do need to keep working while I’m in college, at least part time, the schedule that I’m working as a nanny doesn’t really afford me time to go to school. I wake up before 5 am, and usually, I don’t get home until 5 pm or later. I do this 3-4 days a week, in an erratic schedule. Thusly, there’s not really a lot of time to go to school.

On the other hand, I love the kids that I work with. I would miss them a lot if I didn’t get to work with them anymore. They’re adorable and they make me laugh and smile every day. They make my life brighter. And, I would hate to hurt them by leaving them, and I would that if I left, they would have to get used to a new person in their lives all over again.

To me, the decision of what to do isn’t simple. And, while I’m prone to put the needs of the kids I work with above my own, I think that ultimately, it’s necessary for me to do what is best for me. I simply don’t think it’s feasible for me to continue working the schedule I have and go back to school full time.

Today, I applied for a job at a bakery close to my house. It’s less than two miles from where I live and literally across the street from where I work. It’s run by one of the nicest ladies ever, and I’ve been a customer there for years. It’s pretty much an ideal situation. And I can honestly say that I really hope that I’m hired. But, if I am, I don’t know how to break the news to the people I work for. And I don’t know how to tell those kids good-bye. No matter what I do in this situation, it will totally suck for me.

Pretty much, I don’t have much of anything positive to say, and I could really use some good advice. So, thoughts?

You’re the One I’ve violated, and you’ve seen
it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
You have all the facts before you;
whatever you decide about me is fair.
I’ve been out of step with you for a long time,
in the wrong since before I was born.
What you’re after is truth from the inside out.
Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean,
scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.
Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
set these once-broken bones to dancing.
Don’t look too close for blemishes,
give me a clean bill of health.
God, make a fresh start in me,
shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
Don’t throw me out with the trash,
or fail to breathe holiness in me.
Bring me back from gray exile,
put a fresh wind in my sails!
Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
so the lost can find their way home.
Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
Unbutton my lips, dear God;
I’ll let loose with your praise.

Going through the motions doesn’t please you,
a flawless performance is nothing to you.
I learned God-worship
when my pride was shattered.
Heart-shattered lives ready for love
don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.

Today has been long. And crappy.
I didn’t sleep enough, and had work, and then a funeral, and then more work.
I need more caffeine and shoes that don’t make my feet hurt.
And there were a couple of bright spots when I saw some old friends. And got lots of hugs. I love hugs.
Anyway, long days call for fluff posts that make me happy.

These are two of my new favorite songs. They are both seriously amazing. Also, the first one steals the chorus from a Patsy Cline Song.

It’s not that I have nothing to say on my blog, which causes me to not post. It’s that I’m to busy doing the things I want to talk about that I forget/don’t have time. Often, the only time I have enough time and energy to write a post is when the kids are asleep at work.

Nonetheless, I do often think about things that I should blog about. And I (usually) write down my ideas when I have them. So, the following is a screen-shot from my iphone of things I want/need to blog about and haven’t gotten around to yet.

Maybe the kids will take a long nap today, and I’ll get to schedule a couple for this week. Here’s hoping.

Today, here’s what’s going on for me:

1. Sleep late. (I slept from 9 pm until almost 10 am. Holy Crap.)
2. Run a few errands.
3. Edit pictures for 5-6 hours.
4. Water Aerobics
5. Photo shoot for Proof, a Tater Patch Players production, for the Progress next week.

I am so behind on editing, it’s ridiculous. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get some new photos on my photo blog. And, I have three really awesome ideas for legit wordy blogs, and I have no idea when I’ll get to them. So, I’m just saying, if you’re waiting for me to show you some pictures, or write some interesting things, keep waiting.

I’m not really procrastinating. I just like answering questions.